ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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