So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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