He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
