If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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