I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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