I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
