I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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