Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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