My first STD was from a foam party
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
