you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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