I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I am one with the molecules
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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