I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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