Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Farmville is her only friend.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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