What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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