I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
