Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
