My friends, they love my intelligence
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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