so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
