I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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