How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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