I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
