I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
