I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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