Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize