my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
