I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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