Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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