gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
