You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We need to rekindle our bromance
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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