Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
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