where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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