week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
