i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
