every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
