it's too hot outside to masturbate.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
