I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
