Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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