we have officially lost it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
