mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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