Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
