Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
