is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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