When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
