I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
