Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
