Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
