Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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