If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
