I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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