with your own penis?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
