someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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