And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
