I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he fucked my hip out of place.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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