Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
