Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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