apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
