I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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