just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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