why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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