it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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