i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
