Non-Jews are for practice
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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