i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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