alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You pole danced in your parka.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
