Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
