I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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