just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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