i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize