covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
