He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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