I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
