No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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