halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
