wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
