i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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